July 29th -- Rick Schmid and Craig Finnestad

Craig's Question to the Congregation

What do you get when you get somebody is an atheist, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Craig’s advice to Rick of things not to say on his one-year anniversary

5. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
4. I thought we only celebrated important events?
3. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother?
2. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

Ric: Did you hear this one?

A pastor and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

"Come with me", said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.

"Wow, thank you", said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the pastor to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. "Wait, I think you are a little mixed up", said the pastor. "Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a pastor, went to church every day, and preached God's word."

'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed."

Big 12 Humor: Craig and Rick

What does the average A&M player get on his SATs?

Drool.

What do you get when you put 32 Oklahoma cheerleaders in one room?

A full set of teeth.

How do you get a Texas Tech graduate off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

Why is the Baylor football team like a possum?

Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.

What are the longest three years of a K-State football player's life?

His freshman year.

Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?

Ames, Iowa...He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.

Why did Oklahoma State and Texas choose orange as their team color?
You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

July 15th -- Sharon Jensen and Craig Finnestad

It is so hot. How hot is it? It's so hot...

• the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
• farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
• the cows are giving evaporated milk.
• you no longer associate bridges with water.
• you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
• you can make instant sun tea.
• you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
• you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
• you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

July 8th -- Craig Finnestad and a pregnant Jill Schumacher

Q: I'm a few months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after the baby finishes college.

Q: Our childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, she is very right. In the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Should we have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. It seems like everything is getting bigger during pregnancy. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A. So what's your question?

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

July 1st -- Brad Krebs and Craig Finnestad

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That depends on whether it has health insurance.

Q: How many Country singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, and one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one.

Q: How many Folk musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 40-one to do it and 39 to complain that it's electric.

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one but it takes three visits.

Q: How many Carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's the electrician's job.

Q: How many University of Colorado football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, and he gets three credits for it.

Q: How many Norwegians does is take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to tell a long story about it...

Q: How many pastors to change a light bulb?
A: We don't know. Everyone fell asleep while he was telling us how it happened.